Thoughts on Graduation

It is now April and in just 13 days I will be graduating from Brigham Young University, a goal I have had for myself since I was a very young girl. It is strange for me to be at this place because I have no precedent for how life will be after college. My entire life up until this point has revolved around academics and academic achievement. Growing up I was seen by my peers as the nerd, the “over-achiever,” and was even voted “most ambitious girl” when I was in 9^th grade. I always had very high expectations for myself and for what I would accomplish in life, and graduating from BYU was just the start.

I came to BYU back in the fall of 2005 very excited to be in college, but at the same time I was extremely naive and honestly thought that my big trials were behind me. I had gone through much in my teenage years and I truly believed that I was on to “bigger and better things.” I dreamed of a boyfriend, eventual marriage, and a bachelor’s degree that would propel me into graduate school immediately. I believed that life was a series of checklists and sort of like a staircase, slowly ascending levels until one reached the top and was “finished.” Very soon into my freshman year my hopes and dreams of a fun-filled, carefree college experience wasted away. Life became very difficult and painful and I was left to wonder why I was so weak to fall into the same pits as I had throughout high school.

I will not bore you or depress you with the details of my trials experienced in the last five years, I only wish to illustrate one of the most important lessons I have learned. Life does not always go as you planned. In fact, life changes so quickly that it is necessary to be flexible and emotionally strong to handle all the changes that come. I have been beaten down many times in the past five years, but I have also learned I am strong and despite the many battles I have fought I have not been kept down. I have never given up all hope, and it is because of my family, friends, and especially the mercy and grace of God that I am alive today. God has been so good to me and I have learned to appreciate the small things in life that contribute to my happiness. Some of these “small things” include appreciating nature, talking with my mom and getting random texts of love from her, flowers in the spring, and talking to my sister and nephews via SKYPE.

I am a much happier and positive person than I have ever been and I know that all I have been through in the past five years, and especially in the past 18 months, has led me to this place of peace. One of my favorite movies is “Life is beautiful,” and it has always amazed me that in a time of unspeakable horror (1940’s and The Holocaust) there can still be beauty. I do believe I understand this concept better now than I did five years ago and it is because of the different perspective I have gained through my many trials. Life is indeed a beautiful thing, and I am learning not to take it for granted. I am nowhere near perfect. I don’t experience being “blissfully happy” every day and I certainly still worry too much. Despite my continued struggles with my many weaknesses I am learning to let go of the obsession more often than I ever have and that is a big step in the right direction.

Life is moving on, and although I don’t have a clear idea of what I am to do next I have faith I will be able to figure it out if only I can continue to rely on God and put my trust in Him.

I will end this post with one of my favorite scriptures from The Book of Mormon. In a very difficult time of my life this once saved me.

"And now, [my daughter], remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

-Helaman 5:12