Motivation

"I am a beloved spirit daughter of God, and my life has meaning, purpose, and direction."

My good friend wrote this on my bathroom mirror a couple of weeks ago to lift me up and motivate me right now. Life has been an interesting struggle this year, and especially these past five or six months, but I have been able to get through it all mainly because of the love and support of this one friend. Several Months ago she suggested that I buy dry erase markers to write inspirational and motivational quotes on my mirror, as she has done for a long time. I did and she ended up writing something one evening that made me smile. Over the months there have been occasional messages of hope, and sometimes messages that just would make me laugh. I have loved it.

This particular message hit me very deeply, and almost gave way to tears. It is actually taken from the first sentence of the Relief Society Declaration of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, slightly modified to be more personal of course. It is a beautiful message and I wish the women of the church were reminded of this more often. After I saw it in my bathroom my friend and I talked about it for a few minutes and we both wished we recited it more often. We then reminisced about our days, long ago, in Young Women's (a program for girls ages 12-18 in the LDS church), where we recited the Young Women's Theme every week. I miss that. I miss the power and unity that was felt when everyone said those words out loud together each Sunday. I believe a similar thing could happen with the older women of the church if we did this. 

All I know is I have felt spiritually frustrated lately, and reading this sentence to myself every time I am in my bathroom has helped to lift me up and remind me of who I am, even if it is hard for me to believe or accept sometimes. 

I am a daughter of God.

My life has meaning.

My life has a purpose

and it has a direction . . . 

My quest at this point in my life is to figure out what all of these are for me. It is a challenging time, the "decade of decision," as Elder Robert Hales has said, and boy do some of these decisions weigh heavily on my mind, heart and soul. What I must not forget is God is with me through all of this and that through His love, manifested through the love of others, such as my dear friend who wrote the quote on my mirror, I can do all things.

Life lately

I like to think that my life is relatively boring lately. I have had trouble blogging for awhile, hence only two posts in almost two years . . . Yikes! I will admit it is not because I don't have time, because I have much more free time than when I started the blog in March of 2009.

I started this blog because I was just coming out of a rough few months in my life and I needed a creative outlet that would be a way for me to show that even through much darkness, sadness, and anxiety, there is still hope, healing, and light. Both sides do exist and I wanted to challenge myself, through this blog, to remember those things that would lift me up verses tear me down.

I have failed in this in the past while. I apologize mostly to myself because very few people read this. I have had some family members try to push me to update more often because apparently they like hearing from me, but I have protested inside myself believing I don't have much to say or contribute that would be of any value. I devalue my own life and experiences. I tend to live life through other people, especially in my family, so I don't focus on what is lacking in mine.

Despite all of this, and despite all the darkness that can gather around me, I want to try again. I do want to show myself and the world that I have the ability to see the hope and the good things around me. I know I am very blessed. I know that I have friends and family who love me and I thank God for them. I am amazed at how God continues to place people in my path who genuinely grow to love all of me --even the dark and twisty parts --and who challenge me to be my best self. I am overwhelmed with the love I am shown by these special people in my life and I do not deserve them.

More than anything I am trying to live the serenity prayer. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." The hard part is having wisdom. Perhaps in all of my trials lately, especially since I graduated from BYU, I am being challenged to learn wisdom and especially patience. I am working on not seeing this life as a race against others, although this has been a stumbling block for me my entire life. Comparison games and occasional feelings of inadequacy and even envy have plagued me, especially recently. I recognize this and I pray God will strengthen me to have the courage to move forward in my life, even though it is not following what I would have chosen for myself. However, God knows me and what I need. I am working on trusting in Him.